首页 -> 2006年第11期

美国校园趣事

作者：思　晴

　　Ross: Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you ⁷?
　　Joey: Is that why you wanted to tie my tie?
　　Ross: There's this kid in my class who said he's in love with me.
　　Joey: Whoa!
　　Rachel: (entering from her room) Whoa what?
　　Joey: Ross has a boyfriend.
　　Ross: I do-I do not have a boyfriend. There's a guy in one of my classes who-who has a crush on me.
　　Rachel: Really?
　　Ross:Yeah! I don't know. I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it?! Am I giving out some kind of...sexy professor vibe? (Rachel and Joey both look at him.)
　　Rachel: Not right now.
　　Ross: It-it-The point is my natural charisma ⁸ has made him fail his midterm.
　　Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Y'know you-I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me ⁹. I mean come on, you remember what's it's like to be 19 and in love.
　　Ross: Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack.
　　Rachel: Yeah.
　　
　　[Scene 3: At classroom,Someone named Alan is coming in to see Ross.]
　　(第三幕 一位叫阿伦的学生有事找Ross)
　　
　　这天Ross刚刚讲完课，班里的一个小帅哥就跑到讲台前跟他“套起磁”来。现如今的学生们真是花招越来越多了，每次要求老师给自己宽限成绩，非得语不惊人死不休的。果然不出我们所料，小帅哥一开口就吓了Ross一脑门儿的冷汗……
　　Lewis: Professor Geller?
　　Ross: Yes, Mr. Lewis, how can I help you?
　　Lewis: I know I didn't do well on my midterms and stuff but, I was kind a hoping you could change my grade.
　　Ross: And why exactly would I do that?
　　Lewis: Because I'm in love with you.
　　Ross: What！
　　Lewis: Yeah, I'm all...in love with you and stuff. So could you change my grade ¹⁰?
　　Ross: No!
　　Lewis: Well why not you changed Ned's grade!
　　Ross: Well that's different! Okay? Because he, he was actually in love with me!
　　Lewis: No he's not! He's totally yanking your chain ¹¹! He's done this with three other teachers!
　　Ross: What?
　　Lewis: He's got a girlfriend!
　　Ross: I can't believe someone would do that for a grade.
　　Lewis: I know! It's awful. I love you. (Ross glares at him.)
　　Ross: Ok, you love me? If you love me, come here and give me a kiss....
　　Lewis: (he's sort of reluctant to do so)
　　Ross: You've got 80, you didn't even fail. Have some self respect....
　　现如今的年轻人，对于恋情的限制是十分宽限的，年龄、性别均不成问题！最关键的是，他们本着“将恶搞进行到底”的游戏精神，每次都不忘拖老师们下水，这一招儿果然是道高一筹啊……不过Ross也不是个好欺负的家伙，试探了一下便轻易揭穿了阿伦的“阴谋诡计”。这次连续被小鬼捉弄，他已然是出离愤怒了，“我说你跟着添什么乱啊。您老考了80分，又不是没及格。做人请自重点儿好吗！”……
　　
　　[Scene 4: At classroom, after class,the students are filing out.]
　　（第四幕 下课后，学生们纷纷起身离开教室）
　　
　　Ross满怀怨气地等到了下课，特意把那个慌称暗恋自己的叫Morse的学生留了下来。臭小子，你给我等着，Ross心里不住地念叨，对于这样的可憎行为，就是千刀万剐都不过分……
　　Ross:Uh Mr. Morse, can I speak to you for a moment ¹²?
　　Morse:(walking up) That was a great lecture today. Did you get a little hair cut ¹³?
　　Ross:Uh-hmm, yeah-yeah do you like it? Do-do you love it? I just want you to know that I'm changing your grade back ¹⁴.
　　Morse:What?! Why?
　　Ross:'Cause I know what you're trying to pull here. Okay? It's not gonna work.
　　Ross这时的表情真叫一个严肃：我算是看穿你的鬼把戏了，臭小子。我告诉你吧，这招现在没戏了，你也别做美梦了。我这就把你的成绩改回来。你就一边哭去吧……
　　

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